I've never claimed to be a proper housewife, not even in my days of being at home 24/7, because with full credit to all those who can strut their stuff with a duster and more technical gadgetry than you can shake a stick at, I just couldn't pass muster.
Something happened when I left the workplace, gave birth and arrived home with a small baby. I don't know what it was, but something in my brain was suddenly switched off and after almost seven years, has failed to kick back in.
Before the vultures in pursuit of the female inability to multi-task all swoop down and pull at the the bare bones of false evidence, I need to make one thing clear...
It's not that I can't do two things at once....I can. Just watch me in action cooking up a fine Sunday roast with one hand, whilst surfing the Internet with the other.
It's just that I no longer have the capacity or indeed the inclination to keep on top of the housework!
And doing the laundry falls right into this category!
Yes it's time to come clean, so to speak, and admit that I have been known to abandon my family's laundry in the washing machine for days on end!
When I'm not distracted by writing, sometimes I just merely forget about the laundry amidst the other tasks of playing residential restaurant manager or personal shopper. Other times, I just can't hack the production-line of taking the dry laundry off the clothes dryer, sorting out the whites and then balancing the fall-out from the over-crammed under-sink cupboard just to measure the laundry detergent, knowing fully well that I am kicking off a new cycle of washing that I can't properly manage at the other end.
On a really bad day, Mr A looks at me in despair, announcing that he is "low on pants".
I just look at the gray skies, and smile back, announcing "That's all very well, but I'm low on A rated energy".
(Which is true, because our washer\dryer is truly pants and I always feel blessed if it's sunny)
Anyway, if you're still sticking with my tale of woe, then bless you, you've made my day, but surely you must be wondering where this is all going!
Well the answer is... BALLS!
And at last ...I've got some!
Yes, I've now got enough balls to tell Mr A where to stick his pants as well as those of the Junior Posse.
And the other day I gave him a demonstration, telling him that all pants can be just stuffed in the washing machine with all the other laggards of the washing backlog, with nothing else to do than press the on-switch! It's that simple!
Now if that doesn't sound like a stunt in female emancipation with grounds for divorce, then I don't know what is....however, I feel that I should offer some reassurance.
Because after several years of lack of faith plus the desire for fresh-scented laundry, I decided to ditch my doubts, get over myself and strive for a life less-hassled.
Yes Ladies and Gentlemen...I got myself some ecoballs!
Yes balls that can just hang about in the washing machine for 1000 washes, without the need for detergent! The only thing I must remember is to count to 1000 and leave them out to dry when the washing machine's not in use.
Here they are...resembling three lovely spaceships.
Why I need to use three at a time, I don't know. However, I won't ask too many questions as it's such bliss that I no longer have to juggle the boxes and bottles, let alone remember to buy them [except for tackling the odd tough stain that is].
But all this must surely leave you wondering...how on earth a woman as disorganised as this keeps on top of her recycling? Now that's the same question I ask myself everyday. However, managing my rubbish is so easy compared to my laundry.
All we need now is a magical solution that can dry, iron and put away....sigh...perhaps we need a housewife... and an efficient one at that!
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